как дела?

its amazing. the last two weeks were literal hell on earth for me and I was really on the verge of giving it all up. but you know what? ive survived and i so thank God that i didn’t quit (and go to luxembourgh.hehe). True, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. im in my 5th month now and im actually really enjoying life here despite the negative temperature, the gloom and the slippery snow which makes everyone walk like penguins.

Happy thoughts:

1. im loved and im covered! even if im the only one here and ive never met any pinoys, i am never ever ever alone and lonely.
2. ive developed sailors' feet now. i could stand in the middle of a metro train car without holding on to any handles. and i can brisk walk/run like any of them russians now.
3. people actually think im russian or if not russian, european. hehe. how flattering.
4. ive overcome my dread of ordering in meat counters (i dread that the old ladies will misunderstand me and give me 10 kilos of meat) and im currently experimenting (literal haha) with cooking.
5. my work is hard - its always a given everywhere i guess. but i have new friends now and i like this motley crew. everytime i want to resign, i think of these guys and how much i enjoy their company. my crazy greek boss chris who sits in front of me and calls me mate and talks to me like im a guy (classic. wherever i will go, i will always be one of the guys.); sasha - my partner in crime everywhere!!; veronika - my russian email translator, bank spokesperson and gigglebuddy in my office area; steve and matthew - my brit antagonizers, who sharpen my ability to retort really fast; andy - my conspirator boss who will be my "lover" so i wont be included in a particular nightmare of a client next year. haha. joke lang; robert - my swede friend who has introduced me to the goodness of torrent (after 5 months of no cable tv and movies and being exposed to an all pa-russkie dubbed tv, torrent is heaven!); maxim, pasha, kolya and masha - my very first friends who brought me to MuMu lunches for almost 2 months until russian food was coming out of my ears.
6. the cold cold temperature outside coupled with the warm warm centralised heating in all buildings.
7. Im excited to explore London for 3 weeks. Alone. Gosh! Im such a loner already and Im actually liking it. Hahaha.
8. I have nene’s flat all to myself over the holidays coz shes going to Wales until after the new year.
9. meeting up with Anya, Lilia and Mark in London. I might go to edinburgh during the new year holidays.
10. chel campos, see you in april. spring in St. Petersburg! yipee!
11. the 2008 itinerary with sasha, tanya and probably chris: turkey (i love these office conferences!), paris, ibiza (pronounced as ibitza or ibitha?), prague and probably germany.
12. weekends. i love weekends. i only had to work once on weekends and its nice.
13. im learning to love moscow again. im not fighting it anymore. im not leaving this place until ive fully overcome it. which reminds me to remind helen that i need to continue with my russian lessons which i stopped 2 months ago (i was told i would be reading war and peace in unabridged russian after a full set of lessons with her. hahaha. whatevs.)

forgive michelle forgive.

I really regret why oh why did i have to try to be friendly and accommodating with these people. when i know that they dont like me and i dont really like them much either. its the story of people i used to tune out and totally ignore when i was in pinas because they were mean, exclusive and pa-sosyal (i dont really like these crowds - very pretentious). one particular girl, which really grated on my nerves like nail on chalkboard, i started communicating with when i went out of the country. i mean its time to let go of the petty irritations naman noh. now, im even making offers to be friendly and all. aba. they, she spurns my efforts. HELLO.

im just trying to forgive and forget my pre-conceived notions about you and im even entertaining the chance of actually becoming friends with you. and now, you have the audacity to reject and ignore me? hey, im just being diplomatic mare. and i dont really need you in my life, truth be told. i have friends and i am happy with all of them.

but then again, okay Lord. I FORGIVE. and i release forgiveness.

sabi na nga ni Lord. its good to be friendly. but its better to actually filter and know what and who you will accept and be voices in your life. at least, ive made efforts noh. and i will continue to make efforts to be friendly with them now, if the Lord leads me (not on my own volition anymore). one thing i just learned thu this experience though, even in making friends - INQUIRE of the Lord. unguided diplomacy is overrated. it can actually cause rejection issues and garbage we wouldnt have gotten if we were careful and attentive.

you guys know me. i am soooo friendly and i accept everyone in my life. grabe this is new for me. Lord, i reject bitterness right now. because my identity is not with crowds but in You lang jud.

wedding chuvavells

another friend, mae esperon, is getting married by the end of this year. i just knew as in now lang while i was surfing through friendster. It seems that all my friends are married or are getting married next year. Next year, 3 from my high school barkada are getting married. one is even gonna be on my birthday. Anovuh Dad. well, i dont know. im not really pressured and all. but alam mo yun, i cant help but have this teeny tiny (well not so teeny tiny) feeling of loneliness in my heart. they are all getting married. while I, i dont even have a lovelife to speak of! hahaha..

well, honestly, i could say that im not yet ready to get married. it is such a big step and its a life of further calling, its not just honeymooning and all that romance stuff. but you know, when i hear of people close to me announcing their engagement and wedding plans, i cant help but think. i cant help but ask the Lord, when is my time?

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