Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll? but no one in heaven or on earth could open or even look inside it. thank you JESUS for coming. thank you for your Cross!

know your sphere of influence and excel in it. that way, you wont be spread too thin.

cd-oh

Start:	Dec 22, '09 10:00a
End:	Jan 3, '10

holidays at home, larben and lyn's wedding, and other adventures with the cebu people. yay!

ho chi minh. to find miss saigon!

Start:	Nov 27, '09 10:00a
End:	Nov 30, '09

excited!!!!!

i hear the beat of your intensity and life. it pulsates through my veins and makes me wanna dance in utter abandon!

the promises or the promise giver? what if the promises never come? would you stay?

Picture this!

This is the God I know: He sits on an amazing throne with wheels that have eyes. this throne is surrounded by dark clouds flashing with thunder and lightning and the sounds you hear are of glorious trumpets and the 4 living creatures and 24 elders, crying holy. Have you seen a rainbow? picture one with colors that come ALIVE, thats what you see when you look at him. His face and his head are as white as snow and when you look at his face, it shines like the brightest sun! his eyes are like burning coals of fire and his voice is like the sound of rushing waters! now exaggerate and animate this picture gazillion times. AWESOME!!! not boring at all, my God isnt. yahoo!!!

overwhelmed

i am seeing how my bosses work and the pressure it takes to make this organization run. i am seeing the brunt of the burden on their shoulders in trying to help a world full of poverty and injustice. i am seeing how its taking a toll on their health and their minds, the pressure of the world's needs, the pressure of peers with different opinions, the pressure of making these opinions unified in running with the vision that Jesus gave us.

it is heavy. a heavy burden to carry. i am just looking in and i see it. i feel it.

and then our nation goes wild when politicians start spending the people's money on extravagant personal whims. everyone is affected. either one becomes angry or one becomes apathetic.

where do i stand? do i blame the world for its impossibly unquenchable needs? do i blame people and politicians for being corrupt? do i blame myself for being angry or apathetic? or do i blame God for letting all these things happen?

... or do i really need to point fingers so i could have some security that there's someone to blame why these are all happening?

i am overwhelmed. I REALLY DONT KNOW. but i choose to appeal to God for intervention. there are just some, well, A LOT of things that i do not know or begin to understand.

i appeal to you God for help in the ministry you have placed on my workplace. we are only after all just working the best way we can in the little way we know but you, you are the one who actually makes this work! i appeal to you on behalf of my nation which is crying out for justice and righteousness. you are not deaf to our cries and you are not blind to what is happening. you have placed and pieced such a generation for such a time as this. you know what is happening more than i would ever understand. and i choose to believe that you are GREATER. GREATER are you who made this world than the giants that try to oppress it.

as for me, i think i would just do what im supposed to do at this time. i am part of this generational dream - this dream God has for this generation, which only works as i continue doing my part, however small it may be. however mundane it may look like.

ABS CBN, thats a foul. World Vision did not comment on GMA's $20k dinner. Please dont take things out of context!

5 things.

1. Never give up on something or someone when the going gets tough, even when it gets really ugly or frustrating. Sometimes, it will really be ugly during a situation but there will always be wisdom at the end of it.
2. I don’t know and I don’t have to know everything. There will always be something beyond me and I don’t have to know that. Just let go and let God be God. He will always do what he will do.
3. Keep it real. There is nothing sadder than masking what one truly thinks or feels because of fear. Remember that there is no fear in love and that God actually knows what we think or feel anyways.
4. People will always have opinions. In a room of 20 people, there will be 45 opinions. So I got to know where I stand and not let anyone sway me.
5. It is okay to make mistakes. I am not a performer and I am not valued for what I am able to do or able to say but I am valued for who I am. It releases a lot of pressure to perform.

more musings...

i was thinking last night before i slept of all the happenings this year. and all that ive been through for the past 6 months oh my. and all the question marks ive left with God and some of His answers to it.

one of those questions was about a happening early this year that totally caused me a lot of pain and trauma. and i was thinking of how the Lord healed me and restored me without any of my striving.

i asked the Lord why he did it and after getting used to not getting an answer regarding this, i suddenly thought of a character in “Hind’s feet on high places”. I remember that the character, Much-Afraid, got a seed, a very thorny seed stuck in her heart by the Shepherd. and it grew to be a very big and beautiful tree in the end. but oh the horrors of what she went through and endured to be transformed from Much-Afraid into Grace and Glory.

you see, i have been telling the Lord that i just couldnt endure another one of those experiences- as i described, as if a big roll of barbed wire was forcibly stuck in the middle of my heart. and i see now that this pain and hurt has established me where i am supposed to be. i have learned, yet again, that I AM LOVED – no matter what i am. I BELONG to Someone and to a family who accepts me. and we are bound with such a thing as covenant.

no more shall i put up all the walls i build everytime i get hurt and hurt i will experience much! growing = some pain. i realize i would be more protected if i lay there bleeding in front of family than covering them up, letting the decay and pus rot my insides. love can only be experienced fully when there is an admission for a need of it.

UNGLUED.

thoughts running through my coffee induced system. im coming unglued today.

cant even talk straight today without stuttering. jaap must be wondering why. expectations schmecpectations. i try not to expect but when i am real with myself, i know i do expect and i do expect a lot!!!! he didnt talk about my contract. i am disappointed. a whole lot disappointed.

1 more day and i will be facing my current deepest fear - people, a person i will see again. i dont know. i just cant handle any more pain and hurt and shame right now. i saw some stuff and my stomach got queasy. help me Lord. i really do want to overcome this. my heart is still full of the barbs from last time. heal me Lord. :-( please pull me through. much better if you make a miracle and a healing. and everything will happen contrary to what im expecting.

stress. i think i am being given more responsibility at work and i am being stretched out of my now super comfortable zone. ive already put in pillows and designed my own space over the months and now, i am being pushed out of it. more people involved and really different personalities. more out of my lovely lovely control!

would you make beauty out of these ashes? this cowering frightened little heart? all i have in it right now are shame and barbs of pain, covered for so long, slowly manifesting. - i cant see you.. i am coming unglued. i cant even concentrate on my work right now.

Jesus, would you meet me here?

Terrified

as Mr. Marley said..

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Hope

we were having daily devotions earlier and some colleagues were talking about how bleak the situation of humanity these days is and how it will worsen in the generations to come and the only time everything will be okay is when we go to heaven. and that everything we do, even the ministry of world vision, will not amount to anything much because humanity is hopeless.

hala ka. and we were all christians. i had to speak up because there is hope. i still believe that a nation can be born in a day and that future generations can and will live in redemption, prosperity, righteousness and there will be JUSTICE. we should not lose hope. as long as there's a Jesus, there is always hope.

Israel and New Breed - With Long Life

Say So - Israel Houghton

Israel & New Breed - I Know Who I Am

He messes up our minds!

when God gives, the blessing usually does not come in the package we want it to look or feel. it totally blows the mind away so that we will not depend on our own intellect and abilities - but we will depend on His Holy Spirit. we learn to hold on to Jesus because Hes the only way. then God will be glorified, not us.

a wise and dear woman said to me, usually God's will is against our wills because only then can God change our wills to His.

thank you Lord for your abounding grace!


=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=


" Star how beautiful you shine
You shine more beautiful than mine
You shine from sea to shining sea
World-wide is your strategy
But shinning star I hope you see
If the whole wide world is staring straight at you
They can't see me.." Jason Upton, Dying Star

no more silence

being able to voice out when one has been silenced for so long is nothing small.
when there has been a concentrated effort to confuse and intimidate, running to Jesus for cover.
worshipping. life depends on it.

one of these days. breakthrough will come. Jesus always wins!

GRACE. GRACE. ABOUNDING GRACE.

what is your truth?

veritas liberabit vos. the truth shall set you free.

truth is that coming up for fresh air when you are drowning in a sea of lies.
truth is that relief you'll get when the weight of all the masks and facades is taken off your shoulders.
truth is that clear note that resounds from deep within when all the other noises are silenced.

it is black or white, no hint of gray.
no lofty explanations and justifications.
simple. clear. uncomplicated. truth.

don't you want truth in your life?


=o=o=o=

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. John 14:6

Be REAL

there is something about fakeness that leaves one empty. there is something about anger nicely wrapped up in "passion" and "industry" that makes one tired and burned out. when you are all alone, in the middle of the night, without all the sparkling lights and eyes watching, who are you?

=o=o=o=

Grima Wormtongue: Oh, but you are alone. Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?

=o=o=o=

Psalm 139

submission. authority.

when you choose to align yourself with the very people God has placed as authority over your life, you have saved yourself from the very death these people have experienced and this allows you to do the greater things Jesus said. someone else died for you. this is the essence of submission. this is the essence of authority.

move on, move up.

what-ifs and regrets
fears of all sorts
comfortable zones, comfortable things
feelings of inadequacy
some unfinished business to resolve
the illusion of control
having things all figured out and the very same things not going the way expected
longing for those supposed sacrifices done
one-way relationships
issues, issues, issues and all that drama


letting go of these to make way for the new things, new places, new experiences, new people. its not about sacrifices. its about obedience.

the "me" phase is over to make way for Jesus and His Kingdom. this is His year. the harvest has begun.